Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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