I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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