My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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