i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
