I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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