You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this is an emotional support booty call
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
