New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
