Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
God I need to hump something, right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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