very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
