So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
