so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she smelled like a LAN party
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
