Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
