is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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