Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
