You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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