Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
