it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
