I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
