I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
