does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
