remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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