If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
