I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
