he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
