im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
