Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
