Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
