im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
