Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
