Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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