What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
