I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
