thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
