Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
