but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
