Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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