he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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