Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
