i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
