On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
