i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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