The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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