he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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