you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
