had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
