what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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