I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
