I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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