Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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