Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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