I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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