you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
