all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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