he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
